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June 3, 2013 / Zoe

24-25 Weeks.

Apparently I only post fortnightly now… I’m sure this will change when I get through my exams. I have 20 more days and it’s all over for the semester, and then I have to decide what to do next semester…

Blob is getting bigger and kickier, and I can’t wait to meet her/him/it! My favourite activity at the moment is to sit on the couch with my shirt pulled over my belly so I can see it jiggle and shudder as Blob tries to make an escape, alien style. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of how it feels! Even when I get a good punch/headbutt in the bladder, it’s still amazing.

I had another appointment at the hospital on Friday. It was awful again, but at least this time it was self-inflicted anxiety, not from any outside influence. I had the same doctor, and I think he must have actually my psych note, because I felt much more respected than the last visit.

I feel a little embarrassed writing about the anxiety attack I had, but this is what it’s like having an anxiety disorder. It’s irrational and sometimes ridiculous. And if it helps anyone reading to know that they’re not alone, then it’s worth some people thinking I’m a bit crazy.

When you arrive at the antenatal clinic at the hospital you have to go and weigh yourself and do a urine test for glucose, protein and blood. Now, I know what it means to have glucose and/or protein in the urine, but I wasn’t sure what blood indicated. But it’s blood. It sounds bad. When I did my test the first two were negative, but it came back as very high positive for blood. Bad. Blood is bad, right? The awful thing about having us test ourselves is that afterwards we have to sit and wait to see a midwife and then a doctor. Within 20 minutes I had diagnosed myself with kidney failure, and decided I would probably have to have a c-section before I died. I KNOW. RIDICULOUS. But that was the reality in my mind, so I sat, shaking, for and hour and half, waiting for the midwife. I was so glad to have Matt there in retrospect, but at the time I just didn’t believe him when he said that everything would be fine.

When I did get called to the midwife she asked how I was, and I answered, voice stuttering, ‘well I’m a bit worried because I had positive for blood in my urine and I don’t know what that means and I’m a bit worried about that.’ *GULP*. ‘But the others were negative?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Ok.’ End of conversation. Until she took my blood pressure, I don’t know what it was, but I’m guessing it was HIGH. She gave me a few moments to calm down before taking it again. I was able to calm down by going to my mental happy place of sitting in my chair while doing some crochet, and the next reading was normal. There’s a few definitions of agoraphobia, but one of them is the fear of having a panic attack in public. That’s most definitely the variety I have. I’m able to mask my anxiety very well, only Matt can see when I’m on the verge of breaking down, but I think my blood pressure must have given me away to the midwife! After all that anxiety and stress in the waiting room the doctor didn’t even mention the blood in the urine, I had to ask him at the end of the visit. Apparently it’s pretty normal and common for pregnant women to have blood in their urine, and he said it it’s still positive next time then they’ll test for an infection.

It’s nothing. It’s common. I’m fine. Blob is fine.

I just feel like a bit of a dope.

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6 Comments

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  1. Christine / Jul 8 2013 8:48 am

    hope youre ok!

  2. sukiesoriginal / Jun 4 2013 4:14 pm

    If you’ve got 20 more days of Uni, I must have 20 more days before I catch a plane and come over to see you all! If women have to do their own tests, the hospital could at least give you all enough info about possible results – especially when you have to wait so long to see someone. Alex wants me to video your undulating belly. Just so you know!

    • Zoe / Jun 4 2013 4:37 pm

      Ha, you might get a lot of footage of my belly doing nothing! Blob doesn’t wriggle on command! I guess in a few more weeks the jiggles might be more pronounced, so you might get lucky. I can’t wait to see you!!

      • sukiesoriginal / Jun 4 2013 5:22 pm

        I’m pretty sure he/she will keep still until we give up and turn the camera off!

  3. waterlilies84 / Jun 3 2013 10:18 pm

    Zoe, I am sorry that you had to sit and wait so long to find out that blood in the urine is not uncommon. I’m even sorrier (more sorry?) that you have to get the test results yourself. That is atrocious! Even the calmest, most positive person is likely to go to the darkest place when faced with those results and left to stew for an hour and half.I am glad that you were able to get your blood pressure under control and praying that all is well.

    • Zoe / Jun 4 2013 4:36 pm

      Thanks Lily. They say that they get us to do our own testing so that we’re more involved in our care, but I think it’s to save time/money. It would be good if they just had a midwife on standby to answer questions though! Physically, everything is going great, I’m just struggling with the anxiety stuff a little.

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