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February 18, 2011 / Zoe

Independent Woman.

Yep. That’s me.

A sudden work opportunity has come up for the boy. It’s not in his field of study or interest, but it pays a crapload, it’s a very short term deal, and we’re not in a position to say no to a crapload of money right now. It’s not completely confirmed yet, but it looks like that in just over a week he’ll be off to the desert to do god knows what, but I like to think he’ll be out there with a pickaxe, digging for gold with a hard hat with a light on it. His mobile is going to be out of range, but we’ll have email, and hopefully skype. He’ll be gone for a couple of weeks, back for a week, and away again for a couple more weeks. And then he’ll go back to uni.

So for a month or so I’ll be an independent woman (throw your hands up at me). And to be honest, I’m kinda, sorta, looking forward to it. Of course I’ll miss him like crazy, but I’ve become increasingly conscious of how emotionally dependent I am on the boy, and of how I’ve turned from a ‘me’ into a ‘we’. Last week was four years since I moved to Perth, so I haven’t had to look after myself for more than a day or so in four years. I’ve had my dinners cooked, I’ve been tucked into bed, I’ve had my forehead kissed when I’ve been down, and my stressed shoulders have been lovingly rubbed. And hells no, I am not complaining! BUT, I am excited about cooking my own dinner, tucking myself in, kissing my own forehead (figuratively…) when I’m down, and rubbing my own stressed shoulders, if only for a little while. Dependence is not a good thing for a relationship, I don’t want Matt to feel like he can’t leave in case I fall apart, and I don’t want to feel like I’m going to fall apart if he goes on holiday, or a band tour, or in this case, to work.

Because I do struggle with anxiety, and I am very agoraphobic, it’s going to be hard. I guess the main challenge, apart from being away from Matt, will be getting food. Although lately I have been going for walks alone more than ever, it’s very hard for me and I’m going to have to walk to the supermarket if I want to eat. And more importantly, if I want the cats to eat, and I’m sure they do! Of course, I could stock up before he leaves and not have to leave the house for two weeks, but I doubt that would do me any good.

I don’t know yet if it’ll prompt me to do an awful lot of crafting, or if I’ll hibernate a little and spend time with myself. Hopefully a good mix of both, I suppose! Plus plenty of kitten snuggles!

Oh, and I had a most wonderful find at the Op Shop today, it’s very exciting and I’ll be sharing it with you tomorrow!

(It might start with a S and end with an ‘inger’…)

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19 Comments

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  1. Alexia / Mar 5 2011 1:39 pm

    My fiancé is out of town right now and has been since Feb. 18th. He comes home March 8th and then leaves again for a week two days later. Some days I love being alone and other times I hate it. I realize that I’m not as social when he’s away. Today really took a toll on me – I was kind of sick, missing him lots, and feeling a little depressed.
    I had no idea you suffered from agoraphobia. I have a lot of social anxiety but as I get older, it gets better. The #1 thing I have learned is that you MUST get out and put yourself in situations that you are afraid of. If it’s going to the store or to the library or walking down the street – you have to do it. Once you do, you will become desensitized to it. It will become easy for you! Email me if you want to talk about it! Good luck! You have lots of people rooting for you! 🙂

  2. Lauren / Feb 20 2011 11:43 am

    Good luck! I don’t think I’ve had any independent time since getting married 3 1/2 years ago and I’m agoraphobic as well, so I can relate. (Speaking of which.. I got jury duty and I’m freaking about it!)

    • Zoe / Feb 20 2011 3:48 pm

      Oh jury duty is scary, I hope you’re ok with it! Or that you can get out of it somehow?

  3. Thalia / Feb 19 2011 10:43 pm

    I all kinds of agree with you! My guy just got a new job in January, and he has to travel for it! It’s been difficult adjusting, but I’m really appreciating the me time. First thing I did when he left for his first trip? Cooked something for myself that I love, but he doesn’t!! Then I ate all of it 🙂
    He’s about to leave again- so we’ll be in the same boat!!
    Have an awesome time! And, Happy Perth-iversary!

    • Zoe / Feb 20 2011 3:50 pm

      I’m glad you’re loving your ‘me’ time! I’m really looking forward to eating a lot of cheese! And baking non-vegan goodies!

  4. fatcatfromvox / Feb 19 2011 5:57 pm

    yay for the job, and I’m sure you’ll do great!

  5. Donaji / Feb 19 2011 2:07 pm

    Funny you mention this, I’ve been thinking about my husband and I. We spend every single day together and we’re never apart. I thought how good it would feel if he were to leave (or I) for a week or so, just to have that feeling of missing each other and then the seeing each other again. I think it’s a healthy thing, a refreshing boost for the relationship. I never feel lonely cause I’m always so busy (and maybe you feel the same), but I found this video today, I thought it was great for those lonely hearts.

    Have fun in this temporary adventure! Go and explore as much as possible, get out of that comfort zone and try something new 🙂 IF not, do what you love and enjoy yourself!

    Take a peek at this 🙂

    • Zoe / Feb 19 2011 4:14 pm

      Thank you so much for the video, I loved it! I can’t wait to love spending some time with me. 🙂

  6. thursday / Feb 19 2011 12:18 pm

    You can do it Zoe!! And if you need help I can schedule tweets to remind you of meal times 😉 I’ve been alone with G for 10 days and I’m embarrassed to admit that I have taken crap care of myself. The child, she gets a perfectly healthy meal 3 times a day, many snacks and two happy naps. Me – I’m drinking bucket loads of Coke and existing on a diet of all chocolate. I feel SO gross.

  7. Lindsay Ann / Feb 19 2011 3:18 am

    Baby steps! I know my problem is thinking about the big picture, instead of taking everything one step at a time. YOU CAN DO IT! =]

    I’m excited for you, and your tips! My Newf is leaving for a month in June. He’s going to be crossing the Atlantic in a 38 foot boat with my parents and my little brother.

    xoxo
    L

  8. caren / Feb 19 2011 2:11 am

    I just want to see you kissing yourself on your forehead.
    I always loved the time-aparts from my partners. I’ve always been a very solitary soul, so existing 24/7 with another being has always been a struggle. I often thought my dream man would be one who’s a pilot or an archaeologist or perhaps a travel journalist. This might make me sound like a loner or worse, unlovable – but I just like Me time.
    This could be why I’m single far more often than I’m coupled. ha!
    I’m excited for you (and for your boy, who gets to make craploads of money!) and your chance to snuggle even more with your kitties, to possibly break down more barriers of anxiety, and to bake lots of cakes.
    Matt – you’re a good man. I love that you look after your girl like you do.

  9. Circe / Feb 19 2011 1:46 am

    I used to love it when my boy was out of town, it’s good to have some time to yourself and really appreciate each other.

    Also, your boy sound wonderful, much nicer than mine ever was 😀

    • Zoe / Feb 20 2011 3:51 pm

      He is wonderful, you deserve a boy just like him. I’m sure I’ll appreciate the cooked dinners even more when he gets back!

  10. ironyonhighheels / Feb 18 2011 11:12 pm

    If nothing else it gives you an opportunity to work on those problems you are having. Maybe it even helps. 😉 Slowly but steadily…

    • Zoe / Feb 20 2011 3:52 pm

      I think it will either help a lot and I’ll make helps of progress, or I’ll stay in bed and be miserable and worse than ever… But I’m determined to make it the first one!

      • ironyonhighheels / Feb 20 2011 4:00 pm

        Perfect attitude! It’s the right one for change. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  11. MaryAnn / Feb 18 2011 11:01 pm

    My husband always says a little time apart is good because of how great it feels when you are back together. I think he’s right! Anxiety is a tough beast to tame; I’ll pray that you have the strength you need to challenge yourself to do those hard things. Good for you for having such a positive attitude about it!

    • Zoe / Feb 20 2011 3:54 pm

      Yes, I can’t wait for the feeling of when he gets home! I hardly have a chance to miss him when I see him every day!

  12. Katie / Feb 18 2011 10:29 pm

    Sounds like something refreshing! I hope Matt enjoys his job in the desert 🙂

    Time apart is always important, I think and ditto to being excited to tend to yourself once in a while 😀

    Can’t wait to hear about your op-shopping goodie!

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