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December 19, 2010 / Zoe

Sleeping and dreaming

About 4 years ago I started having a recurring nightmare. I would wake up (in the dream) and my tattoo would be on the wrong wrist.

So I hacked off my hand with a bread knife.

It was vivid. Violent. Horrifying. And I stopped sleeping. I was going to uni on one or two hours sleep. Forcing myself to stay awake, with too much coffee and tiny pin pricks. You could probably say this wasn’t a great time in my life, physically or emotionally. You would probably be right. Needless to say I started failing, and eventually ran away to live on the other side of the country.

A week ago I dreamed that I had to scan Daisy’s feet so she could become the President of the United States.

But on Friday night I had a terrifying dream that bought me back to 4 years ago. This time the violent images weren’t self inflicted. Someone who has no right to be in my dreams, no right to be in my life, hunted me down like an animal. It was truly horrifying. (As much as I’d love to go into the details of this person, this is not the time nor place.) I felt off all day yesterday, I was so jumpy and nervous. And I didn’t even have any coffee, which is usually why I feel jumpy and nervous.

I was so scared to go to sleep last night. But I was also exhausted, and not willing to start torturing myself with sleep deprivation again.

Last night my dreams were something along the lines of guinea-pigs and hot air balloons. No word on how Daisy is doing as the leader of the free world.

It’s nice to be back to normal. Normal for me, anyhow.



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  1. ironyonhighheels / Dec 19 2010 5:10 pm

    Sounds like colourful dreams. You know what I can suggest? I used to have horrific nightmares too, which left me heart racing and grasping for air the second I woke up. But then I bought a book about dream symbols. And started looking them up after these kind of nightmares. And it showed that the symbols often have quite different meanings and are far from as serious as the dream itself appears to you. That helped me a lot. Because I think the more you are afraid of going to sleep because you might have another nightmare the more likely it is that you will have them again. Our subconsciousness is a peculiar thing.

    • Zoe / Dec 20 2010 5:13 pm

      I’m glad I’m not the only one! It’s very disconcerting waking up like that! I’ll definitely look into some book about dream symbols, I’ll check out what my library has on offer. Thanks!

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